Longing Heart

Painful longing after longing,
Indulging, yet not satisfied.
This weary heart of longing,
What will gratify?

Hopelessly empty I be,
Though I fill and I fill,
I am a cistern broken,
An eternal heart born ill.

A wretched, joyless desert i strode,
Crying out for a stream of refreshing.
Frantic searching all of my days,
But no solace found for my wrestling.

Glimmer, sweet glimmer,
Just beyond yonder hill,
A raging, eternal spring,
Beacons, "Come have your fill.".

How pure, how sweet,
This flowing river of delight.
How have I never heard
Of this living water, called Christ?

Infinite, matchless, beautiful...
Words could never measure
The fullness therein,
This costly ocean of pleasures.

The price is more that i can give,
Yet, One has gone before,
Securing this wanderer's place,
At the Fountain forevermore.

Yet, longing and wanting,
Feeble heart still yearn,
For inferior delights,
Feeding on worms.

Return, oh wanton heart
to the place of true delight!
Give no quarter to the inferior,
Fight for Joy with all your might.

Slay all that compete for affection,
Don't be fooled by misdirection.
Arise, look up from the fray,
This illness, this war will be stayed.

A day comes and will be soon,
When struggle will meet it's tomb.
Infinite appetites will be infinitely satisfied,
In His blood this promise ratified.

Hold fast, oh weary soul,
For He will not let you go.
The victory is not yours to gain,
King Jesus has overcame.

Joy and Tears

Throughout my life before Christ I have had few times that tears of joy have filled my eyes. Tears were a sign of weakness to me. Something that happened when you were being unmanly. And, tearing up at something that made me happy was a silly, ridiculous thing. I didn't have a framework for Joy. I didn't know what it was. I thought it was mere happiness, maybe even happiness to it's maximum height. No, it's something much more. 

When Joy overcomes the heart, all else fades from sight and mind, but the object your Joy. Your emotions become so overwhelming that there is no bridling them. You have never tasted such sweet ecstasy as this. Tears roll down cheeks unimpaired by our normal faculties, our emotional defenses are useless. Joy, and it's outworking, refuses to be hindered by our will. 

Never has this experience been more tangible than when I have sensed the overwhelming presence of God. Something theologians call "Special Presence". God being omnipresent, is always in our presence, but at times he manifests himself in a special way to His people. 

Often these times of peculiar delight come when engaged in corporate worship with a group of believers, in corporate prayer or during scripture reading. Most times I have experienced this when retiring to private prayer, though not in every time of personal prayer. Without warning and without any particular action on my part, I would feel the most intense feeling of Joy. My prayer may turn into just sobs, only consisting of thinking through His goodness or it may be filled with words that don't seem to originate from me. As if God was inhabiting my prayer, filling me with the words that I offered back to him. Irregardless of the setting or my response, intense worship flows from my heart and unbelievable joy is had. 

I can honestly say that before I met Christ I have never felt such a thing. Sure there have been times of intense happiness and some may even argue that it was Joy. Perhaps to some degree is was, but never has anything compared to this feeling of Joy during times of God's special presence. Never has a song created joy in my heart and brought me to tears. Never have words printed on a page caused me to break down. Never have I sobbed alone in my bedroom at the goodness of something or someone. This is not something I could manufacture even if I wanted to. No, there is something peculiar about this Christianity.